Twice the Speed of Life

Superman Returns!

2006-06-28T23:32:00.000-07:00

We saw Superman Returns on opening night. I loved this movie. I have watched Superman and Superman II on TV, and I was a huge fan of Christopher Reeve. So, I was familiar with the series and excited to see the latest installment. Although my husband felt it dragged in places, I was mesmerized. I honestly felt like a little girl watching the Superman story for the first time. The special effects were amazing, and I thought Brandon Routh gave a wonderful performance that was a homage to Christopher Reeve. Kevin Spacey was a great villain. I know that everyone probably won’t love this movie like I did, but I am a big fan of Brian Singer (X-Men and X2), and I felt the emotional connection he showcased was what was missing from X Men: The Last Stand. There might not be enough action for everyone, but the action sequences that are featured are wonderful. The blue suit has never looked better.

For Good Daddies Everywhere...

2006-06-28T23:28:00.000-07:00

100_0397, originally uploaded by Christina and Ben.

I wanted to post this close to Father’s Day, but things got crazy, so here it goes. A few weeks ago I was at church getting ready to videotape an early morning wedding, and I got a call on my cell phone from my friend Scott. He asked me if I wanted to come out to the parking lot to see Dillon (aka my boyfriend). I went outside and saw Dillon who had a long white strip of paper tied around his head. Dillon told me he had been to the doctor, and they “hurt my buck,” which means he got a shot in his butt. Then I looked at his dad and saw that he had a long, white strip of paper tied around his head, too. He explained to me that they were dressed as Indian chiefs. They had been at the doctor for about two hours and were waiting in the room for over an hour. Scott said that they learned that the paper that covers the doctors’ table tears in nice long strips. Scott explained to me that the toy trains had a bad wreck in the doctors’ office and he had to make casts and bandages for Dillon’s legs and arms.

I was just so overwhelmed with this precious daddy who had turned something that could have been awful (a long visit to the doctor that ends with your two year old getting a shot in a sensitive place) and made it into an adventure. Dillon had the biggest smile on his face and he told me all about the fun he had and how his “woo woo’s” (trains) had a big wreck.

That made me think about my own dad, who worked third shift so he could be at all of our athletic events and was my softball coach and even built a dance floor for my wedding. One of the saddest things about growing up is moving away from my daddy and not being able to see him at least once a week if not every day.

I also thought about my father-in-law. He loved Ben with all of his heart, and I’m thankful to have a husband who was raised by a Godly man and taught to be a Godly man.

So, for good daddies everywhere, thank you for all that you do. The world needs more people like you.

Not a Girl, Not Yet Appropriate

2006-06-28T23:25:00.000-07:00

I don’t know if you watched the Britney Spears interview with Matt Lauer. Luckily, my good friend Tracie called me and told me to turn on the TV. When I did, I was appalled.

Let’s start with the hair. It did not look washed and the extensions were very obvious. Applying hair extensions is an art form, and it shouldn’t be painfully obvious where the real hair ends and the fake hair begins. The make-up. I know now from reading other reports that my initial thoughts were right-she did it herself. It looked like an explosion happened at the Wet-n-Wild counter of a local drugstore. The fake eyelashes. They resembled caterpillars, and when one of them came loose, not a single person in the room had the decency to reach over and pull it off of her eyelid. Her outfit. She wore a purple sheer shirt that showed her hot pink bra and showed off her assets, but not in a good way. She also wore a reeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaalllllllllllllly short mini-skirt and flip-flops. But I ma have been able to forgive her all of that were it not for the gum. As usual, she had gum in her mouth (just check every red carpet pic of her ever taken). However, this time, she chomped on the gum throughout the entire interview. It reminded me of a poem I once heard that goes like this, “A gum chewing woman and a cud chewing cow. They say there’s a difference, but I can’t see how. Oh wait, I see it now. It’s the tail hanging from the back of the cow.” Enough said.

The content of the interview was even more upsetting. I won’t re-hash the whole thing, but I will hone in on this one thing. She said she drove with her baby on her lap because her dad did the same thing with her when she was little, because “We’re country.” Okay, I grew up on a farm and I will admit that I learned to drive when I was very young. We would drive trucks around fields (NEVER on the highway), always with adult supervision. However, we were on a farm in the middle of Davis Station. Ever heard of it? Probably not. I don’t see the resemblance between driving around in the middle of a field and driving down the Pacific Coast Highway. Country does not equal child endangerment.

The whole interview looked like a desperate cry for help. If she really wanted to change the opinion of the American public, she could have worn a very flattering but still attractive maternity dress, had someone else fix her hair and make-up, spit out her gum, worn real shoes, and looked directly into the camera while giving her tear-filled mea culpa apologizing for driving with the baby on her lap. That would have gone a lot farther than this interview. Poor Matt Lauer. Who did he tick off to have to do this?

She's here...

2006-05-27T22:11:00.000-07:00

The Brangelina baby has finally arrived...Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt was born in Namibia on May 27. You can read the whole story here:

http://people.aol.com/people/articles/0,19736,1184497,00.html

Is there any chance this baby is not absolutely beautiful?

Oops, He did it Again (and Again)

2006-05-09T16:55:00.000-07:00

Finally, I went on the record with celebrity news, so I have proof that I was so ahead of the news cycle! On March 25th, I was eating lunch with Donna and Michelle, and I said, "I am officially ready to go on the record and say that Britney is pregnant again." So, that means about a month and a half ago, I went public with the news, and I was right. Britney and K-Fed stopped by David Letterman and gave him the news today. You can check out more of the story at this link:

http://people.aol.com/people/articles/0,19736,1171195,00.html

It's a good thing I saved the Britney Baby Name Napkin. Who knew we would need it again so soon?

The Key to Domestic Bliss

2006-05-06T19:34:00.000-07:00

I am pretty sure that everyone can identify at least one household chore that they hate doing. For me, identifying just one is difficult, because there are many household chores that I hate doing. Well, hate is a strong word, so let me just say that there are many chores I do not like doing.

Since I work full time and am a full time student, my husband has taken on many of these hated chores. This is just one of the many ways he has supported me during this busy and stressful time. I really appreciate him doing this, because I know that he hates most of the chores, too. He is not doing them because he loves the chores, he is doing them because he loves me.

Therefore, I developed an impartial way to determine who would have to do the most hated chores. I proposed that we have a dance off. It’s like I always say, if it’s good enough for Britney and Justin, it’s good enough for me. I suggested that Ben and I each pick three songs. He would pick the songs that I would have to dance to, and I would pick the songs he would have to dance to. We would each serve as judges based on the following criteria: 1-degree of difficulty, 2-technical skill, 3-spirit/enthusiasm, 4-interpretaton of lyrics, 5-crowd involvement. In judging we would honestly have to assess whether the other person had outdone us and proved themselves in the five categories.

I think this is the perfect solution to the age old problem of who is going to do what around the house. It would be ideal if every person who hated to wash dishes married a person who loved to wash dishes, but it just doesn’t always happen like that. Personally, I would much rather be washing the dishes because I didn’t “drop it like it was hot” and “shake my groove thing” as opposed to it just being my turn to wash the dishes.

At first, Ben loved this idea. I think he considered it to be one of the many ideas that I enthusiastically explain in full detail and then send off to the idea graveyard to die a quick and painless death. But I’m serious about this. And I think he was too until he saw me dancing in the living room and knew that he would be washing the dishes forever. He even went so far as to make his first song selection for me-Barry White’s “My First, My Last, My Everything. This was a crucial mistake on his part, because I used to watch Ally McBeal and the Biscuit (John Cage) used to dance to this song about once a week, so I already have a routine in mind. And if all else fails, I can always pull out the showstopper…Thriller. In retaliation, I also made my first song choice for him. I picked 50 Cent “In Da Club.”

Another reason I think this idea would really work is because of Emmanuel. When I was there, no social dancing was allowed, just like the town in Footloose. As we watched the end of Footloose the other day, I noted that the young people of the town who had never been allowed to dance were magically all great dancers and would spontaneously break into choreographed steps and perform very challenging break dance moves. So, I’m pretty sure Ben and I would be the same.

Things I've Learned This Year

2006-05-02T09:18:00.000-07:00

I know 2006 is still going strong, but for me the year ends when school is over. Since I've developed insomnia, I've become more reflective. So, here are things I've learned this year:

-How to cook (I'm still not the Iron Chef American, but I've gotten better)

-How to play No Limit Texas Hold 'Em. Look for me at the WSOP next year.

-All of the Trivial Pursuit Pop Culture cards. No kidding. I memorized all of them. It's a long story.

-How to speak my mind in a way that's not nearly as offensive as it was five years ago. Imagine where I'll be five years from now.

-That my faith can be shaken, tossed, thrown, neglected, and crushed...but not broken

-How to switch calls with the call waiting on my cell phone. That one took me a while

-Exactly how much I can take and what happens when I pass that point

-What it means to be dedicated to a goal that seems unattainable. I'm only 4 classes and one really big report away from that doctorate.

-How to read a map

-How to put up insulation, nail down tar paper, and shingle a roof. I worked with Habitat for Humanity in Pennsylvania over spring break. I also learned how to flip a hammer like a champ.

-That I am really ungrateful and not nearly thankful enough for all of the blessings in my life.

-That 10 Things I Hate About You is a lot funnier than I remembered, especially at 2:00 in the morning.

The TomKitten is here...

2006-04-18T18:56:00.000-07:00

Tom and Katie's baby girl, Suri, was born today. And ironically, Brooke Shields baby girl, Grier, was born today.

Check out the whole story here:
http://people.aol.com/people/articles/0,19736,1170244,00.html

I don't want to say that Katie had the baby a few weeks ago and has been wearing a fake baby bump, but...things sure looked funny there at the end. Check out US Weekly for the full story on the weird bump.

Gwyneth's Baby Boy

2006-04-10T09:10:00.000-07:00

Gwyneth had a boy today and his much anticipated name is....Moses Martin!

You can read it all here:

http://people.aol.com/people/articles/0,19736,1175007,00.html

What a wonderful night for Oscar...

2006-03-06T12:07:00.000-08:00

The 2006 Academy Awards are over, and I am very happy with the results, the fashion, and the overall show.

The show-one of the best in many years. Jon Stewart was hilarious. He did a good job of honoring the prestige of the occasion but also cracking jokes that proved he wasn't taking himself too seriously. The opening was a funny highlight of the hosts of year's past. Unlike Chris Rock, Jon Stewart was funny but not mean, although he did make a hilarious crack about Russell Crowe and deadpanned one of the best lines of the night ("For those keeping score at home, that's Martin Scorcese zero Oscars, Three 6 Mafia one Oscar").

Funniest moments of the show: Ben Stiller's tribute to green screen technology and Will Ferrell and Steve Carrell's tribute to make-up artists. It was nice to see comedians being involved in the Oscars since funny movies are generally shunned by the Academy.

Battle of the Exes:
Nicole Kidman glowed in a beautiful ivory gown, and she looked like a goddess. Meanwhile, Kate Holmes is about 10 months pregnant and will never work in Hollywood again. This round goes to Nicole. Personally, I think Nicole is glowing because she knows she and Keith are going to tie the knot way before Tom and Kate.

Jennifer Garner looks great after having a baby, but she's not in the svelte Alias shape she used to be in. Walking out to the microphone, she trips but catches herself. She quips, "I do all of my own stunts." J. Lo looked flawless and seemed happy with Marc, but Jennifer just came off as endearing and real, two things J. Lo has never been accused of. This round goes to J. Gar.

Fashion, Fashion, Fashion:
Best Dressed-Jessica Alba. She looked like an Oscar, but better. They should remake the Oscar statues to have her shape.

Other best dressed stars-
Nicole Kidman-flawless
Jada Pinkett Smith-the color was brilliant
Meryl Streep-she looked sooo thin
Salma Hayek-blue was the new black
Uma Thurman-finally redemption from the Heidi dress
Morgan Freeman-he has his own sense of style
And of course...The Clooney-that man was made to wear a tuxedo.

Worst Dressed-Helena Bonham Carter. The original corpse bride

Other worst dressed stars-
Charlize Theron-also known as the two-headed "Monster." The dress was pretentious and it looked like she was trying to communicate, "I used to be a model. I can pull off this high fashion couture, but the rest of you can not." She was wrong.
Michelle Williams-As I told Ben last night, "That dress is wearing her. She's not wearing it." She is a wallflower and she tried to stand out in a vibrant color, but she didn't pull it off.
Ludacris-the velvet jacket was not working for me, but it is hard out there for a pimp
Ziya Zhang-she looked like a disco ball on the run

Worst Hair-It's a three way tie.
Frances McDormand-it looked like she was going to the grocery store, not the Oscars.
Charlize Theron-was she trying to smuggle something into the awards in her beehive?
Russell Crowe-All I could think about was, "There was a little girl, who had a little curl, right in the middle of her forehead." So I added, "When she was good, she was very, very good, and when she was bad she was Russell Crowe throwing a phone at a hotel worker's forehead."

Other notable things:
Weirdest Red Carpet Couple-Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves. Is Speed 10 coming out next week?

Most unexpected moment (besides Broke Streak Mountain losing for Best Picture despite winning at every other awards show)-Dolly Parton performing her nominated song and turning the Kodak Theater into a scene from a Gaither Homecoming Video. They could have taken up an offering after that song.

Strangest Question of the night-My husband looked at me and asked, "Does Jake Gyllenhall have a glass eye?"

Most unique observations of the night-Terrance Howard had on a brooch. Also, is he the identical twin of Eva Pigford, the second winner of America's Next Top Model? Look at them closely. You will be scared.

Finally, as I end this Oscar wrap-up, I would like to thank the Academy, and my long-suffering husband who watched (almost) the entire show with me and listened to all of my numerous comments and observations. He deserves the Lifetime Achievement Award and he inspired me to adapt the latest Oscar winning song to say, "You know it's hard out here for a Ben..."

My Oscar Predictions

2006-03-02T17:47:00.000-08:00

I'm sure you've all been waiting for me to weigh on the Oscar nominations and share my picks, so here goes:

Best Picture-Brokeback Mountain. There is a lot of talk about Crash making a last minute comeback and moving in as one of the frontrunners for Best Picture. Personally, I think Brokeback's strength lies in its picture as a whole, not the individual parts (other than Ang Lee's direction). I don't think any of the actors are strong enough to take home the awards themselves, but I do think this movie will walk away with Best Picture.

Best Director-Ang Lee. He's been all the talk all award season, and I think he doesn't really have any close competition.

Best Actor-Philip Seymour Hoffman. No doubt. This is the one race that I feel is absolutely locked up. He needs to come with a speech prepared, because his momentum from the Golden Globes and SAG Awards will help him sail right through Sunday as the winner.

Best Actress-Reese Witherspoon. She sang, she played the autoharp, and she looked absolutely beautiful. I hope she wins and starts the new trend of actresses looking beautiful and winning awards, not looking awful and winning awards. If Felicity Huffman wins, I wouldn't be surprised, but I would be disappointed. I think Felicity is a great actress and Hollywood really has an affinity for her lately, but Reese brought June Carter Cash to life, and she deserves to win. (One caveat-if Reese shows up and doesn't look as good as she did in the black dress she wore to the 2002 Oscars, I will pull for Felicity out of spite. Reese really let me down with the Chanel fiasco at the Golden Globes).

Best Supporting Actor-Too Close To Call, but I'm going with Paul Giamatti. He has been in a million movies, and I think he will be rewarded for his body of work. (because I so believe the Academy voters do that). He will also be rewarded for working with Russell Crowe and for putting such a great performance into a movie that people stopped watching after Russell threw the phone. I said this race is too close to call because of a man I now refer to as The Clooney. The Clooney is establishing himself as Hollywood Royalty and is rapidly becoming the Cary Grant of our day. He is nominated in three categories, and I wouldn't be surprised if he was chosen by his peers in this category, because he doesn't really have a shot in the other two.

Best Supporting Actress-Rachel Weisz. Like Philip Seymour Hoffman, I think she has it locked up and in the bag, based on the previous award shows. Catherine Keener may pull off an upset, but I would be totally shocked if Rachel didn't win. Plus, she has done so much for maternity award show fashion. I can't wait to see what she wears.

The other categories don't interest me nearly as much, but I will weigh in and say that I think Wallace and Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit will win for Best Animated Feature.

Your thoughts?

I'm not dead...yet

2006-03-01T07:33:00.000-08:00

I'm alive and although I need to be working on a paper I decided to update because I miss blogging. I also miss sleeping, but I'm learning to do without.

Here's my update on life (I copied some of these ideas from other blogs-they deserve the credit):

Currently reading-Organizational Theory and Culture, Introduction to Qualitative Research, Pop Culture Trivial Pursuit cards, People.com

Currently watching-my youth go down the drain, the number of gray hairs multiply, Grey's Anatomy, Project Runway

Currently listening to-nothing. I got a new iPod and I haven't had time to use it.

Currently wishing for-vacation, May 5 (the last day of the semester), May 3, 2008 (graduation day), the day I become famous

Currently eating-Girl Scout Cookies

Interesting things I did over the past two weeks-led a ghost tour around the Grove Park Inn based on "facts" I made up on the spot, met a man who claims he slept with Bernadette Peters, wore Manolo Blahniks with Wal-Mart jeans, tried to figure out if I could raise money to go to Cannes with Michelle by claiming I would be doing mission work, and wore my hair in pigtails (think Jessica Simpson pigtails not MaryAnn from Gilligan's Island pigtails).

Seacrest. Out.

Display of Talent

2006-02-10T09:50:00.000-08:00

Tonight Ben and I have to go to District Talent. I know that many EC alumni have experience with Teen Talent. I remember seeing Brian Rhodes win Nationals in three categories one year, and I remember seeing Jennifer McGhee dust off a Bible covered in baby powder in the drama for the song "I Wish We'd All Been Ready."

My mom loved Teen Talent and she would always walk around with the rule book, just hoping to catch someone who was in the wrong category. I personally love National Talent, or Talent Quest, as it's now known, because I enjoy seeing the various talents of the teenagers of the IPHC.

However, tonight we are not going to National Talent. We are going to District Talent. National Talent showcases the best of the best. District Talent showcases the most of the not best. Well, that's probably a little harsh, but remember that we are in eastern North Carolina and there are some small churches in our little district.

The highlight of District Talent last year was a trio of 10 year old girls who sang a song called "I'm a Believer." You might think that title looks familiar, because that was also a song by the Monkees. Well, you would be right, because the song was a Christian rendition of the Monkees old hit. It went something like this...(imagine that I am singing this in a high-pitched nasally voice with a tamborine in my hand)

"Now I found His grace, I'm a believer. Not a trace, of sin in my life. I've been saved (ooooooh). I'm a believer, Jesus is walking by my side."

I wish I was joking. It should be fun tonight!

Breaking News...

2006-02-02T14:42:00.000-08:00

Heather Locklear files for divorce from Richie Sambora. Ted Casablanca, the gossip columnist at E! online has been reporting that they were having trouble for months. I am truly sad about this because they have been married for 10 years and have a daughter named Ava. I didn't want to believe the rumors, but you can read about this at People.com.

I'll Be There for You, These Five Words I Swear to You

2006-01-20T19:03:00.000-08:00

The Bon Jovi concert...we came, we saw, we absolutely freaked out the enitre time.

Many of you may have noticed a theme in the past weeks if you frequent my page, Michelle's page, or her sister Ashleigh's page. We were counting down the days until the Bon Jovi concert in Charlotte. The concert is now over, but the memories will last forever.

It is really hard to embarrass me. I guess it's just my personality, but I don't really mind doing things that seem to upset other people. For example, at Margaritaville the other night, I did my Tina Turner dance when the band played "Rolling on the River." I was the only person on the dance floor. This did not bother me one bit.

I say all of that to say this-even though I may act crazy at times, I don't think I've ever acted as out of control as I did at the concert. I did not do anything inappropriate, but I did scream bloody murder at the beginning of every song that I recognized. I jumped up and down, I danced, I yelled, I basically acted like I had no sense at all. It was wonderful.

Perhaps one of the highlights of the concert was when Jon began to sing "Bed of Roses." They had done several old songs in a "new" way with different arrangements, so "Bed of Roses" didn't start out with the normal piano solo like on the cd. But, it only took about five words and Michelle and I both recognized the song at the same moment. So, once again we screamed as loud as possible and began jumping up and down. There was one problem. Either no one else recognized the song or no else appreciates how truly wonderful that song is, because so one else made a sound and everyone in our section turned around and looked at us like we were insane.

I had a wonderful time. I wish they had played more old songs, but I don't know if I could have heard "In These Arms" without Ben being there, so maybe everything was just as it should have been. Jon's voice sounded like butter that has been sitting out on the counter..smooth but not runny. It also sounded a little bit like melted chocolate. In other words, if chocolate could sing, it would sound like Jon Bon Jovi.

One final highlight of the evening-I saw Ric Flair in the crowd. I've also loved him for many years. Two brushes with fame in one night. It's almost too much to handle.

I've seen some cute babies before but...

2006-01-11T11:08:00.000-08:00

Angelina Jolie is pregnant. You read it here first. Unless you read People.com, like me. Then you probably read it there first.

You've Got to Know When to Hold 'Em, Know When to Fold 'Em...

2005-12-31T17:45:00.000-08:00

To ring in 2006, I decided to post a list of things that most people probably don't know about me. I am not the biggest fan of self-disclosure, so here is my attempt to be more open.

1. I am addicted to No Limit Texas Hold 'Em. Ben and I just played in a tournament (for free, we never play for money) and I finished in the Top 20 out of 72. My goal is to make a final table one day.
2. I love the song The Gambler.
3. I cannot do math. I use the tip calculator card at restaurants. I am not embarrassed about this.
4. I love to sing.
5. I sing tenor. It is the part that I naturally hear in my head. If I sing with Ben, he is constantly telling me that I am on his note. I say the same thing to him.
6. I do not know how to correctly use the word "favorite." Today I said to Ben, "That's my favorite song" three different times. The songs were Gold Digger, The Gambler, and Dancing in the Moonlight.
7. I know how to cook. I'm still not food network quality, but I've come a long way.
8. I am 9 classes and one really big book report away from graduating with my doctorate.
9. I love to read.
10. I don't drink coffee.
11. I have never been drunk.
12. I love to make up dances. I could be the next Paula Abdul. But taller and singing tenor.
13. I have grey hair.
14. I have long hair now.
15. I love West Wing re-runs on Bravo.
16. I can do the dance from Napoleon Dynamite.
17. I am not very coordinated. I fall down a lot.
18. I enjoy crafting.
19. I want to start an 80's cover band. First song-I Don't Want to Lose Your Love Tonight
20. I am still the worst pastor's wife in the world. I tried to get church cancelled on Christmas Day.

Hannah, Bird, and Bobby

2005-12-31T17:44:00.000-08:00

Hannah, Bird, and Bobby, originally uploaded by Christina and Ben.

Hannah and Bobby are two children that go to my mom's church. She (and Aunt Anne) love them dearly and bought them Christmas presents. Hannah got a make-up and jewelry set and Bobby got a car. Hannah LOVED the make-up and Bobby helped her put it on. As you can see, it's mostly on her cheeks. This picture cracked me up, so I thought I would share it. I love Bobby's smile!

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

2005-12-27T18:10:00.000-08:00

I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas and enjoyed a restful and relaxing holiday time. Ben and I are currently in South Carolina visiting my family. If you haven't read Hansen's post about his family, read it. It is very endearing and it made me want to write a post about my family (and I may do that one day).

My husband has done the most wonderful thing for me. He bought me a pair of pink Manolo Blahniks for Christmas. (insert gasp here). If you're not gasping, it must be because you haven't heard of Manolo Blahniks. Shame on you. No, seriously, a pair of Manolo Blahniks might not matter to many people but they matter to me. Why? Because they are often worn by famous people.

Now, I realize I am often ridiculed for my preoccupation with celebrities. Truth be told, I feel that my job and my schoolwork provide enough mental stimulation for me. My interest in celebrities provides me a sense of mindless enjoyment, a time of true frivolity.

Now, the shoes (which are beautiful and will probably be worn every day) are special, but the thought behind them is what is really important. He bought me the shoes because he wanted me to feel like a celebrity. And I do!

Truth be told, I wouldn't trade places with many of the celebrities, because they lack something I have-peace. I am happy. My marriage is not a publicity stunt. I am not estranged from my family. I don't have an eating disorder. I am happier in my two bedroom apartment working my exhausting job and sharing each day with my youth pastor husband than most people in Hollywood have ever been or ever will be. I also have an understanding that this life is not what it's really about anyway-because of Jesus there is even more for me once this life is over.

However, I still love the shoes, and I can't believe my husband surprised me with this! He is really the greatest!

Get Equally Yoked

2005-12-08T08:07:00.000-08:00

Are you...

-Tired of going out to clubs and getting hit on by "playas"?
-Tired of going on blind dates with people who don't say grace before the meal?
-Sick of attending the Singles class at your church but don't want to be upgraded to the Adults class yet?
-Need someone to go to the Carman concert with you?
-Looking for someone to read "The Purpose Driven Life" with you?
-Fed up with praying the Prayer of Jabez and still being alone?
-Wishing you could enter a courtship and kiss dating goodbye?

Then you need Equally Yoked, the first Christian dating service.

Here at Equally Yoked, we understand the trauma it causes people to attend the Singles Sunday School class for more than four years. We also understand that sometimes you just need a godly brother or sister in Christ to escort you to a church or family event. Sure, you could call up your local rent-a-date service, but we all know that whoever shows up will be expecting more than just money at the end of the night. The people you meet through Equally Yoked will only expect a holy kiss and the old Christian favorite, Arb.

Here's what some of our satisfied customers are saying about Equally Yoked:

"I was nervous about using a dating service, but when James showed up at my house wearing a t-shirt that said Body Piercing Saved my Life, I knew we were meant to be."
Sally, age 25

"I heard about Equally Yoked, but was a little hesitant to try it. Boy am I glad I did! Katie and I exchanged WWJD bracelets last week."
Johnny, age 42

And there's many more success stories just like these. So the next time there's an office Christmas party and you don't want to go alone, give us a call. The next time you're asked to chaperone a trip to Youth Quest and know don't want to run into those old EC alums without having a significant other, give us a call. The next time you realize you don't have anyone to share those testamints with, give us a call. The next time you want to make out with someone and then act like you don't know them, give us a call. It's the Christian thing to do.

Why I wish I was a journalist...

2005-12-01T19:56:00.000-08:00

The link below will take you to my new favorite article. It recounts how K-Fed and Brit-Brit have spent a small fortune turning their baby's room into a nativity scene, complete with a manger for him to sleep in. That's right, Sean Preston is going to be playing the part of Baby Jesus this Christmas. Michelle pointed out that maybe this is how celebrities dedicate their babies. I think she might be right. I do know that white trash people love tacky Christmas decorations, so I shouldn't be surprised by this article.

http://www.lse.co.uk/ShowbizNews.asp?Code=SQ1680K&headline=britney_spears_baby_nativity_

Also, Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner had their baby today. I now share something with Violet Ann Affleck. That makes me feel special.

Chloe, Dillon, and Emma

2005-11-12T19:33:00.002-08:00

Chloe, Dillon, and Emma, originally uploaded by Christina and Ben.

Dillon's Halloween costume

2005-11-12T19:33:00.001-08:00

Dillon's Halloween costume, originally uploaded by Christina and Ben.

Dillon

2005-11-12T19:33:00.000-08:00

Dillon, originally uploaded by Christina and Ben.

My Confession

2005-11-12T18:45:00.000-08:00

I have a confession to make. A few people, mostly just my family members, know what I am about to write. I am hoping that I won't be judged too harshly for what I'm about to type...

I have a boyfriend. And yes, my husband knows.

After I got married, I started thinking about the differences between husbands and boyfriends. I have a wonderful husband. I am so happy to say that I married someone who is very mature and is also very giving. He has done so many things around our house to help out since I started school again. He doesn't complain about doing the laundry. He won't let me bait him into a meaningless argument just because I think I'm right. He engages me in an adult discussion about things instead of letting me fuss about wanting everything my way. He is wonderful.

But, my boyfriend is also pretty great, too, for a boyfriend. He is very cute. He is usally smiling. He is very happy to see me. He is an excellent listener, in fact, he never contradicts me. He looks great in pictures.

He is also 20 months old. This is part of his charm. He is learning to talk, though, and that may put a strain on our relationship.

Dillon, my boyfriend, always brings me a great deal of joy. Part of this is because of his story-he is the third child of a very special couple at our church who tried to have a biological child for 16 years. After adopting two children and being told that they could never have a biological child, several prophecies were made over them and on Mother's Day 3 years ago, Dillon's mother came to the altar to pray about having a baby. A month later, she found out she was pregnant. It is obvious to me that Dillon is a physical representation of God's faithfulness and also His joy.

Dillon is special to me, but I can honestly say that he would make an awful husband. He cannot change a flat tire on the side of the interstate, he does not have a job and thus has no money, he cannot hang pictures on the wall or fix all of the things I break, he cannot hold me when I cry, he cannot answer me when I need assurance and confirmation of God's plan for me, and he's cute, but cute and handsome are not the same thing-my husband is handsome. Plus he's probably the only man that could handle living with me.

Above are a few pictures of Dillon. He's soooo cute!

A nice day for a white wedding

2005-10-23T12:58:00.000-07:00

So, in case you didn't know, Brynne got married last weekend. She got married in Summerton, like I did, but this time I observed a lot more about a small town wedding. I do not in any way mean that her wedding was "small town" in a derogatory way. I just mean that it took place in a small town. I will be giving plenty of wedding details including pictures, but first I want to go over the errand list of the errands that I had to run on Friday, the day before the wedding. I was very happy to be able to run these errands, because I was the Matron of Honor, but since I live so far away, I wasn't able to help with very much wedding prep until arriving in town on Thursday night before the wedding. I think this post will be enlightening for those from big cities or those from up North, because I have found that usually when people haven't grown up in small towns, they don't often understand them.

The List
1. Pick up the groom's cake from the jewelry store. The lady who makes the best cakes is not a full-time cake maker, just like most people in small towns who tend to have several career interests. The groom's cake was at her jewelry store in two pieces. It was in the shape of a guitar, which was really cute. She also made the bleeding armadillo groom's cake that I had at my rehearsal dinner. She also sells really great jewelry. She is a double threat.

2. Get stickies from Slick's. Apparently some nice lady had been asking Aunt Anne what she could do for the wedding. Well, everything was pretty much done, but this lady was insistent on helping, so Aunt Anne let her make stickies (a dessert pastry) for the rehearsal dinner. Slick's is an auto parts store. The real name is Clarendon Auto parts, but Slick (not his real name-nicknames are a must in small towns) owns it, so everyone just calls the place Slick's. I wish I was a good enough writer to describe the looks I got when I walked into the auto parts store to pick up a dessert. Just try to imagine it.

3. Pick up Granny's shoes from Duke and Sons shoe repair. I didn't know where this was, and the bride was getting her nails done, just as bride's should, so I got directions to the general vacinity. I almost missed the place though, because I had trouble reading the hand painted sign that said

Dukes and
Son shoe re
pair

The first word, Dukes, was really big, but the other words were cramped together and really hard to read. I don't think a lot of planning went into the sign. I went inside and said I need to pick up shoes for Ida Jenkinson. The man, who looked like he was working on 10 pair of shoes total, asked me if I had a ticket. Of course I didn't, so I told him no. This really threw him for a loop. Apparently, you can't pick up the shoes without a ticket, because the 10 pair of shoes in there are too overwhelming and he could never figure out which ones were yours, even with your help. Luckily, I had my cell phone, so I called home and asked them what Granny's shoes look like. Aunt Anne said they were taupe. I told him that, and I don't think that "taupe" quite registered with him. Aunt Anne told me that the shoes were there to be dyed so I told him that, and that triggered his memory. He then sat down and began to shine the shoes with wax, and his body language was saying to me, "I have all the time in the world." And I wanted to say to him, "Look, my sister is getting marreid tomorrow. I have a guitar cake and stickies in the car and I don't want them to melt while I sit here and watch you shine Granny's shoes, because I don't think the focus of this wedding will be Gran Ida's feet." But instead, I went to the van and turned on the air so the cake and stickies would survive. Ten minutes later, the shoes were ready.

4. Pick up the corsages from Gibson's Floral Cart. Gibson's Floral Cart has bars on the window and looks like a good place to either get shot or buy crack, not get flowers. I went in and tried to pick up the corsages. The lady told me that the owner had just stepped out, probably to pick up a bullet proof vest, and asked me if I could come back in 30 minutes to pick them up. I went back to the Nail Salon, Ellen's (which is run by Ellen and her ex-boyfriend), to check on the bride. After about 30 minutes, I returned to Gibson's Floral Cart to tempt death once again. This time, another lady greeted me and told me the corsages were almost ready. I then realized that it didn't matter if the owner had stepped out, the corsages hadn't even been started. I could barely hear the woman in the back working frantically over the TD Jakes soundtrack that was blasting through the shop. (Probably to cover the sound of any gun shots.) In the end, I did get the corsages and walked away unscathed.

With all of my errands run, I headed home to get ready for the rehearsal. The next day, it was time to get ready for the wedding. The wedding was beautiful and also lots of fun. There were a few surprises. When it was time for the bride to be given away, our whole family ended up giving her away, all 10 of us. Ben and Uncle Joe performed the wedding, and Ben was his usual funny self, per the bride and groom's request. He made us all laugh, and at the end of the wedding, he said, "Sam, you may now kiss the Queen" (our family's nickname for Brynne). At the reception, Brynne (with the help of the bridesmaids, serenaded the groom with the song "Son of a Preacher Man." Of course, we did the Thriller dance, and I am one step closer to promoting Thriller to replace the Chicken dance at all wedding receptions.On the whole, it was a lot of fun. Below are some pictures from the wedding. If you click on one, you should be taken to our photo stream to see all of the wedding pictures we took.

The end of the performance

2005-10-23T12:49:00.000-07:00

The end of the performance, originally uploaded by Christina and Ben.

This was the big finish to Brynne's performance of "Son of a Preacher Man."

Our traditional family picture

2005-10-23T12:47:00.000-07:00

Our traditional family picture, originally uploaded by Christina and Ben.

This is the traditional Jenkinson/Cooper kids family picture. A long time ago, Delmar and I were doing the D-X pose(old wrestling fans will clearly recognize it featured in this picture). Drew threw up a pose behind us. Wanting to have nothing to do with us, Brynne stood off to the side, looking at us like we were crazy and she was embarrassed to know us. Well, Brynne was included in the picture without her knowledge. When we got the picture developed, we loved it! It really captured us (our own photojournalism). Since we loved the picture, we now recreate it at various events, including my wedding and Delmar's wedding. At Brynne and Sam's wedding, we let Amanda (Delmar's wife) play the role of the embarrassed family member. Yes, these are the kinds of things we do at family gatherings.

The Sisters

2005-10-23T12:39:00.000-07:00

The Girls, originally uploaded by Christina and Ben.

Me, Brynne, and Amanda

Jonifer

2005-09-21T12:12:00.000-07:00

Forget Bennifer (the first or the second), Brangelaniston, Brit Brit and K-Fed...The next big celebrity couple is Jonifer, also known as Jon Bon Jovi and Jennifer Nettles. In case you missed the CMT Crossroads show that brought Bon Jovi and Sugarland together, I urge you to find the replay schedule and make sure you see this show. Several things will become obvious upon watching it:
1. Living on a Prayer is still awesome.
2. Jennifer Nettles can wail.
3. Jon still wears really tight pants.
4. Thank God Jon still wears really tight pants.
5. There's a reason Wanted Dead or Alive started the Unplugged series.
6. Jennifer and Jon had sex.
7. Jennifer and Ritchie had sex.
8. Jennifer, Jon, and Ritchie had a threesome.

Now, I do not have what a court of law would call actual proof or evidence of my last three claims, but I do have the evidence of the following:
1. Woman's intuition (it's never led me astray so far).
2. The fact that Jon and Ritchie kiss Jennifer repeatedly.
3. The playful banter and stage talk that suggests a more intimate knowledge of each other.
4. Someone from New Jersey also thought the same thing.
5. The way Jon and Jennifer look DIRECTLY into each others' eyes when they sing together.
6. The way that Jennifer dances suggestively behind Ritchie.
7. The interviews shown of just the three of them where they are all drinking, which I feel sure could have led to a drunken orgy.

On a serious note, I really did enjoy this show and I think the combination of the two bands worked really well together and was a lot of fun to watch. I have loved Jennifer Nettles for years now, and I'm sad that I can longer drive to a little hole in the wall club and pay $10 to hear her sing live, but I am so happy that she is having so much success.

Now, for the most excellent news of the day...Michelle and I are going to see Bon Jovi on January 18, which is just 119 days away. To celebrate, we have both decided to give up eating so we can enjoy our front row seats as our most skinny selves.

Why I am mad at ESPN

2005-09-15T13:29:00.000-07:00

Thanks to FreeVo (read my previous post if you haven't joined the revolution that is FreeVo), my husband and I were able to watch the Georgia game this past weekend. Normally, I am ambivalent about ESPN. I don't hate it, as some women do, because their husbands/boyfriends/significant males are addicted to it, especially Sports Center. My husband is a sports fan, but he has a great grasp on the concept of moderation. Thus, so far in my life, I haven't really thought that much about ESPN. I do know that ESPN said that Clemson's running down the Hill was the 25 most exciting seconds in college football, so I guess my only real thought about ESPN had been positive.

That all changed this weekend. For those who watched the game I have to ask, has the Entertainment and Sports Programming Network been changed to the Entertainment and Spurrier Programming Network? I have never heard such biased commentary in my life (and yes, I have watched Fox news as well as the national conventions for political parties). Every other word out of the commentators mouths was "Spurrier this" and "Spurrier that."

I don't argue that Steve Spurrier has had a great career. However, based on the stat they flashed on the screen about his record in the NFL, I don't think college football should be bowing down on its collective hands and knees and thanking Steve Spurrier for returning to the game. I think that he got his butt handed to him on a platter in the NFL, and maybe he should get down on his hands and knees and thank God that college football took him back.

And while I'm on the subject of the game commentary, does Blake Mitchell's dad own ESPN? Every other comment was about how wonderful Blake Mitchell is and how well he was handling the pressure of the game. Notice I said pressure of the game, not pressure of the defense, because that would have acknowledged that there were two teams on the field that day, not just Spurrier, his aura, and the greatness that is Blake Mitchell.

Was this the best game Georgia has ever played? Not at all. Am I saying that it was? Not at all. Was Coach Richt ever shown on the screen during the game? Not at all. Wait a minute, they did show him at the end, but only because he was shaking hands with Steve Spurrier. And even though Georgia had just won the game, the commentators did not mention that fact and merely talked about Spurrier's overall record from back in the day when he coached a real team.

Every good thing Georgia did was overlooked, and yes, they did do some good things, although not the amount that Georgia fans expected or wanted. Yes, maybe one day a long time ago, Steve Spurrier marched into Sanford Stadium and led the Florida Gators to a win that made them the first team to ever score more than 50 points in Sanford Stadium. But just in case you missed it, he sulked out of Stanford Stadium last Saturday with a measly 15 points, a missed extra point, and a lot of work to do. It must say something about his future that everyone only focuses on his past.

(Just for clarification, I am much madder at ESPN than I am at Steve Spurrier, unless he paid them to be so biased. Then I would also be just as mad at him. I am not really mad at Blake Mitchell, unless his dad really does own ESPN.)

Did anyone else watch this game and see what I am talking about?

FreeVo

2005-09-13T12:18:00.000-07:00

This past weekend, Ben and I planned to watch our two favorite teams, Clemson and Georgia, play college football. However, we realized that Ben had agreed to speak at a youth service for our Hispanic congregation on Saturday night, so we would miss most of the Georgia game. This was not going to work, because Georgia was playing South Carolina, who I can't stand, and the measure of a truly great football weekend, for me, is always if Clemson wins and SC loses. Imagine the bonus that this week could offer, since SC could lose to my second favorite team, Georgia.

We didn't know what to do. We are not the technological phenoms that Paul and Michelle are. We don't have TiVo. But, we remembered that we do have something that most American households have...a VCR. I know, the VCR has been serving as back-up dancer to the DVD player for years now, but we still have a VCR and I bet you do, too.

So, we set the VCR to record the game and went to the service. When we came back, we rewound the tape and began watching the game. After the first set of plays, the commercials came on. Ben picked up the remote and fast forwarded through the commercials. We were both like, "Hey, that was just awesome. No commercials!" That's when I said, "VCRs are like TiVo for poor people." Thus, the birth of what we like to call FreeVo.

Why FreeVo? The better question is why not FreeVo? We pulled a tape out of our collection and taped over something we didn't really want so we could tape the Georgia game. Then we were able to watch it commercial free. I bet you have a VCR lying around your house. And I bet you have an old tape of the 90210 series finale or something stupid you don't want to watch anymore. Why not tape the next show you won't be around for and then watch it on the good ole VCR. FreeVo...it will sweep the nation. You probably have all the tools you need in your very own living room. Let's stop moving forward. Let's start moving backwards and begin to re-utilize those old electronic devices. They may be past their prime, but they're still kicking.

The list is out, I repeat the list is out

2005-09-07T12:02:00.000-07:00

In just a few short hours, I will be scanning the now infamous napkin and placing it here for all to see. But until then, I thought I'd share all of the potential baby names Michelle and I came up with for Britney and K-Fed's offspring. I'm worried you may not be able to read all of these on the napkin, since they are in my handwriting, so here's what we came up with:

For Girls: (we think a girl would have the last name Spears Federline)
Trina Felicia Spears Federline
Lacy Majesty Spears Federline
Kay-Lynn Spears Federline
Juju Spears Federline
Starlet Spears Federline
Mystery-Lynn Spears Federline
Enigma-Lynn Spears Federline
Ashlee Kabbalah Spears Federline
Lacy Jaylee Spears Federline
Shayla-Beth Spears Federline
London (on the napkin, this one has a check mark and an arrow beside it)
Fairy Brite Spears Federline (I really like this one)
Brangelina Susie Spears Federline
Caroline Madaline Federline

For Boys: (we think a boy would just have the last name Federline)
Kentwood Federline
Eric Clapton Federline
Rine Federline
Brian Rine Federline
Rusty Wallace Federline
Brian Bradlee Federline
Brad Pitt Federline
Kevney Federline

Don't you think Kori, Kaleb, and Kevney sound like a trio of little angels?

How am I not getting paid for this?

2005-09-01T06:42:00.000-07:00

Over the summer, Michelle, Paul, and Paul's parents came to visit us in Greenville. Paul's parents are good friends with our senior pastor and his wife, so all of us (except for Ben, who had a youth group event) went out to eat at Chili's. Paul and Pastor Paul, along with his dad, engaged in a very deep theological discussion. Paul's mom and the pastor's wife talked about old times and memories. Michelle and I turned our attention to more important things, like naming Britney Spears' baby.

We grabbed a napkin and began writing various names we thought Brit-Brit and K-Fed would like. We made sure to develop names for girls and boys. Some of the best girl names we came up with: Mystery (she named her perfume Curious, she has a tattoo that supposedly means "mysterious"), Kevney (a combination of their names), Brock Leigh Spears (that's just funny), Brocklyn Spears, Crystal-Lynn Madonna Spears, and many others. For the boys, we especially liked Rusty Wallace Federline, Kevin Michael Jordan Federline (hey, he named his other boy Kaleb Michael Jackson Federline), and Brad Pitt Federline.

Then, we had a brainstorm. It would be so like Britney to want to name her child after the place where she and Kevin first fell in love-London. So we added London to our list of names.

Today, I am checking my usual rounds of celebrity news, and I come across the following article.
http://www.sky.com/showbiz/article/0,,50001-1194122,00.html

If any of you don't believe me, I still have the napkin and would be happy to try and scan it to show everyone that Michelle and I know things about celebrities that they don't even yet know about themselves.

Catch the Flu

2005-08-31T06:08:00.000-07:00

Last year, one of my RAs got together with one of his residents and decided to start a band. I've never started a band, though it is one of my dreams. But, when I think about the process of starting a band, I would picture it going something like this:

-Individuals learning to play different instruments.
-If someone is a vocalist only, that person would practice singing.
-These individuals would meet or find each other (it could be by chance, they could advertise that they are looking for band mates, etc.).
-These individuals get together and begin writing songs and/or learning songs.
-After practicing together, these individuals would determine a name for their band. (As we know, names of bands can change often, especially in the early stages).
-The band would contact local venues and try to book gigs in the area so they can practice the art of live performance.
-Perhaps the band will be good enough to be discovered one day and will be signed to a record label. Then the band will make a CD. Along with this, will come merchandising and promotion (the amount would of course depend on the deal).
-If the band has not yet been signed to a label, they can still produce a CD and develop some of their own merchandising.
-The band will begin building a fan base, and these devoted fans will support the band by buying CDs and merchandise.

Again, this is all my speculation, but I've watched enough "Behind the Musics" to think that I am not too far off the mark. However, Matt and Brent decided to go a totally different route when forming their band. A totally different, yet GENIUS route, if you ask me.

First, Matt and Brent developed a name for the band. Their chosen name: The Flu. I think it was brilliant to choose something that is already known to the general public. Imagine the free press they will receive if we have another epidemic of the flu and run out of flu shots. You couldn't buy that kind of media coverage.

Second, they developed a catch phrase for their band. "Catch the Flu." It's short, punchy, and easy to remember.

Third, they developed the marketing and merchandise. They designed a logo, and found a website that allowed them to design Flu merchandise from t-shirts to baby clothes. Feel free to check out this link and do some shopping:

http://www.cafepress.com/CatchTheFlu

By developing their merchandise before actually developing the band, they were able to spark the interest of numerous potential fans out there in cyberspace. They also created a site on My Space, also known as the Face Book, a site very popular with college students. Thanks to that site, The Flu and Its Following, they now have over 70 fans listed as group members. There are some real bands that don't even have 70 fans!

Thanks to the popularity of The Flu and Its Following, they've scheduled a "Meet the Band" opportunity for their fans. In two weeks, fans from all over will be able to come to Greenville to meet the band. I am going to take their headshots so they have something to sign when the fans get here.

Personally, I am amazed at how smart Matt and Brent are. They have capitalized on people's love of t-shirts as well as people's need to belong to something and started this Flu sensation. They are currently working on writing songs. They are also beginning to look for other musicians who can join the band. Meanwhile, their hungry fans are anxiously awaiting the Flu's first single. They tell me their first song, "Slap a Feminist on the A**" is almost done.

Catch the Flu...

Update

2005-08-29T19:57:00.000-07:00

Sorry it's been so long since I posted. I've been training to become a cage fighter.

I feel a bit of inspiration, so I am working on a new post. It will be about the fictional band my RA made up and the great success that band is having. I'm just too tired to write it tonight.

Thriller

2005-08-15T20:49:00.000-07:00

100_0198, originally uploaded by Christina and Ben.

'Cause This Is Thriller, Thriller Night
And No One's Gonna Save You From The Beast About to Strike
You Know It's Thriller, Thriller Night
You're Fighting For Your Life Inside A Killer, Thriller Tonight

One day, the Thriller dance will replace the Chicken dance at wedding receptions.

Delmar and Amanda

2005-08-15T20:46:00.000-07:00

100_0383, originally uploaded by Christina and Ben.

Here's a picture of Delmar and his new wife, Amanda. They both looked great and so happy on their wedding day.

Alexis and Donny's Wedding

2005-08-15T20:45:00.000-07:00

100_0255, originally uploaded by Christina and Ben.

We were able to take so many fun pictures at the Bearden's house. At least before the rain came. After that, my hair wasn't nearly as big.

The Magic Kingdom

2005-08-15T20:44:00.000-07:00

100_0147, originally uploaded by Christina and Ben.

Here's another one of my favorite pictures from vacation. I think I need to set up a photo blog...hmmm.

Ben, Mickey, and Me

2005-08-15T20:42:00.000-07:00

100_0149, originally uploaded by Christina and Ben.

This is a picture of us on our Orlando vacation! We had such a great time. We stood in line for about 30 minutes to meet Mickey Mouse, but it was worth it!

Suffer the little children

2005-08-02T18:06:00.000-07:00

I'm ashamed and embarrassed. I consider myself to be a goal oriented person, and when I put my mind to something, I do my best to achieve it. That's why I am ashamed to admit that I have hit a major roadblock on my path to becoming the world's worst pastor's wife...I am the toddler Sunday school teacher.

I know some of you are reeling from this announcement, and I can feel the disappointment that many of you have right now. But let me put your fears to rest-I became the teacher in June as a favor to my husband (who is in charge of Sunday School), and I will only be the teacher through the end of August. After August, I can again pursue my goal wholeheartedly.

Every Sunday, I get to church early to go to my Sunday School room and prepare to greet the children with a warm smile and a friendly hug. However, this usually becomes me holding them as they scream, "Mommy don't leave me." The smile quickly becomes a frown, and the friendly hug quickly becomes a death grip in order to avoid dropping the screaming child who is now also kicking wildly in the air.

First, we sit down and collect the offering. It is always $.50. Emily is the only one who brings an offering, every week she brings $.50, and every week she tries to keep it hidden in her purse. I have to go through her purse (which always contains a stuffed kitty cat that she got in a McDonald's Happy Meal) to retrieve the $.50.

Next, we color our pictures. And by color, I mean that we draw three lines through the picture and then announce "Finished!" after 10 seconds. Unfortunately, I am always hoping that coloring will at least take 10 minutes, but it usually doesn't pan out that way.

As we color, I feel obligated to try and teach them things. Not just Biblical things, but just things in general, like their colors, shapes, and ABC's. I ask them questions like "What's your favorite color?" One of them always responds with "Green!" and then everyone holds up their blue crayon, because they don't know their colors yet, and frankly, I'm not getting anywhere with them.

After coloring, we each get to put a sticker on the attendance board. This is by far their favorite time of the class. We line up and I try to teach them to read their own names. "Who's name starts with a Z?" Each week I hope Zachary will shout out, "Mine does!" but normally I just hear crickets chirping in the silence. One very special child likes to put his sticker in the wrong place on purpose every week, because his body is really just a pint-sized resting place for demonic spirits.

When we are done coloring, I pass out pretty pictures and read our lesson. It is five sentences long, because their attention spans are short and an hour class is pretty hard on me. I mean them. I read the lesson and then re-read the important point of the day. It is usually something pretty profound, like "God made milk and juice" or last week's lesson, "God made pets." I try to say the important point about 100 times throughout the course of the hour, in hopes that repitition will equal retention. I then ask them, "What did we learn about today?" There's no good way to capture in writing the blank expressions that are on their faces as they look back at me. I try to help them so I give them the first word-"God." This doesn't appear to trigger anything in their minds, so I feed them the first two words-"God made." This is always followed by the same response. The class says in unison, "God made the earth." Well, technically they're right.

After the story, we sing songs. We always start with Jesus Loves Me and usually sing The B-I-B-L-E. These two are followed with the classic songs of the church, The Wheels on the Bus and Mary Had a Little Lamb. Since these two songs really have nothing to do with Sunday School at all, I make them sing The Wheels on the Church Bus and then I tell them that Jesus was the Lamb slain for our transgressions. Can't you see that I'm a wonderful teacher? I use the word "transgression" to talk to 2 year olds.

After the songs, we play games that help build our imagination. Normally, we line up our chairs and make a train. The train takes us to many exciting locations, such as the grocery store (where we buy milk, macaroni, and chicken nuggets), the beach, the park, and the horsey place, where we ride pretend horses around the room.

Then it's time for them to leave. They scamper out of the door on the way to the toddler nursery where they stay during service, and I sit down in one of the tiny chairs and reflect on the impact I am making on the Kingdom by teaching these little ones about how much Jesus loves them. Man, I crack myself up. I really fall into one of the big rocking chairs and wish that, just this once, we would have real wine at communion.

"Ben, the two of us need look no more..."

2005-06-30T14:50:00.000-07:00

It has come to my attention that I wrote a really long post about my sister's future husband, but I haven't written anything about my own dear husband who has survived living with me for two years. I'm sure some of you (like my mom) probably think that he deserves a medal for making it that long with me, and I won't disagree. Those of you who remember him from EC will most likely remember his looks, but he' s more than just a pretty face. Here are some things I love about Ben:

1. He loves me. No, I mean he really loves me more than his own life. He doesn't just casually say "I love you." He will be walking somewhere, stop, look me in the eye, pause, and then say, "I love you." And I know he really does. Even better, he really knows me, and he loves me still.

2. He does not think I am crazy. When I told him I needed him to find a coffin for me to climb in and then be carried over to a large ECU event, he did not even flinch. Not once did he ever look at me and say, "What the crap are you thinking?" He helped me find a coffin, picked it up from the theater department, cleaned it out, and then rolled it over to a campus event with me inside of it. (For those of you who don't know this story, I was dressed like the un-dead. When I came out of the coffin, I did the Thriller dance with residents from my hall. So. Hot.)

3. He does not think I am funny. Many people have told me over the years that I am funny. David Luper's link to my blog says "This one is usually funny." However, Ben does not think I am funny. I noticed this one night when I thought I was being exceptionally hilarious, and he wasn't even smiling. Knowing that he doesn't think I'm funny makes me try even harder to be funny. And if he still doesn't laugh, I usually end up laughing at myself, which is just as good.

4. He is very funny. He might not think I am funny, but I think he is hilarious. He is great at telling stories and imitating people, especially people with an accent. He has natural comedic timing that is dead on. He doesn't really have to try to be funny, he just is.

5. He carries everything. He is very strong, and he despises to make two trips if everything could be humanly carried in one. Because of this, I cannot tell you the last time I have carried luggage, groceries, laundry, etc. He is perfectly content to let me load him up like a pack mule so all I have to carry is my purse.

6. Pack. Get it? If you ever saw him with his shirt off you would. You'd also probably be lusting right now, too.

7. He is a great writer. Before he came to EC, he was an English major. He was one semester away from being an English teacher when he was called into the ministry. Usually for special occasions he will write me prose or poetry. And I'm not talking about "Roses are red" crap. I mean original, beautiful works.

8. He can sing like an 80s rock star. I don't mean scream like the lead singers of hair bands. He can croon, for lack of a better word. Whenever I start singing an 80s song, he will join in and sing the real high harmony part. It makes me feel like I finally have the 80s cover band I always wanted.

9. He loves my friends. He talks to them on the phone when they call, he takes endless pictures of us when we get together, and he gets along really well with their husbands. (I think he, Paul, and Mike were seperated at birth!) He knows how much my friends mean to me, so he cares about them as much as I do.

10. He is a wonderful shopper. I know that most men go to the mall, find a bench to sit on, and stay there until their wife/girlfriend is done. Ben is not like that. He follows me around the store and holds all of the clothes that I want to try on (See #5). When I try them on, he gives me an opinion about them. If they don't fit or I need a different color, he goes out and searches the store until he finds exactly what I want. One time I was looking for a particular shirt, but the store didn't have it in my size. While I was changing clothes, Ben was talking to the manager. By the time I was done, they had located the shirt at another store in town and it was being held for us.

I could go on and on, but I want to save some material for future posts (like our engagement story). Ben, I love you. Thanks for being so great.

"...We both found what we were looking for."

Have your TomKats Spayed or Neutered

2005-06-22T08:46:00.000-07:00

Little girls everywhere dream of marrying Tom Cruise. Whenever women list their celebrity crush list, he is usually mentioned. It's no surprise that Katie Holmes said years ago to a magazine that her dream was to marry Tom Cruise. I think I too shared in that dream when I was a younger girl.

But unlike a poignant 80's song, these dreams don't go on when I close my eyes. I have taken the time to step back examine the dream, and find the flaw. And here's a newsflash...I never wanted to marry Tom Cruise (and I bet neither did Katie). I wanted to marry Maverick-the charming, daring, devilish aviator who felt the need for speed and sang "You've Lost the Loving Feeling." The man who played beach volleyball at sunset while glistening with sweat. The man who loved his best friend and wanted them to be friends forever.

I wanted to marry Jerry Maguire. He had been a slave to money but had broken free with his "mission statement." He was real and flawed and yet still strikingly handsome. He connected with children, he would still be rich because of his one client, and he realized that he needed someone to complete him.

When I really look at what was attractive about Tom Cruise, I see his movie characters. When I look at Tom Cruise, I see an older man who is inexplicably drawn to younger, less famous women. If they begin to outshine him, ala Nicole Kidman, he moves on. He is a cook who seeks to brainwash them with Scientology classes. He is short and makes them stop wearing high heels. He drags them around (don't believe me? Look at some pictures of TomKat going through Europe. You won't see Katie Holmes leading the way in any of the shots). He is not eloquent. You won't hear the likes of "You complete me" from him without a script. (Check out his encounter with the interviewer that sprayed him with water. He just kept repeating the word "Jerk." I'm sure he wanted to yell out, "Line," and have someone somewhere feed him a line that would be better than "Jerk.")

Are Tom and Katie in love? I don't know, and frankly my dear, I don't care (hey, my mom reads this. I can't be cussing on my blog). Tom Cruise is a short, middle aged man who has built his life on the shaky foundation of Scientology and the desire to be "fairy godfather" (thanks for that term, Michelle) to the young Hollywood B list actresses. Tommy, can you hear me? I don't love you anymore. I don't think I ever really did.

Dollar make you Holler

2005-06-07T08:25:00.000-07:00

Lest you think this is a post about things Nancy used to say at EC, read on.

I'm back. I've been away on vacation to California and Florida and away with illness, but I'm back and ready to rant. I was watching TV last week and saw Creflo Dollar. However, I noticed that there was something different about the title that flashed under his name. It said "Dr. Creflo A. Dollar." Naturally, I was interested in this. As someone pursuing a doctorate, I was excited to see that a religious leader had committed himself to pursuing academic ideals and continuing in higher education. Today I went to his website to read his biography. At the end of his biography, it says:
"Recognized for his cutting-edge revelation and humorous, pragmatic approach, Dr. Dollar received an honorary Doctor of Divinity Degree from Oral Roberts University (ORU) in 1998 and serves on the Board of Regents there."

You may want to take a moment to re-read that last sentence. Go ahead. Take your time. Let it sink in.

That's right, folks. I am slaving away in a doctoral program that will absorb 4 years of my life, cost me a large sum of money, and require me to produce a disseration that details my original research, and Dr. Dollar (and I am now using the word Dr. in the loosest possible interpretation of the term) is out flaunting an honorary degree as a real one.

It is amazing to me that a CHURCH LEADER would not be convicted to present a true and accurate picture of his accomplishments, or lack thereof. An honorary degree is an honor. It is an award. It is meant to honor someone. If I was given an honorary law degree, I wouldn't open up my own practice and try to put Perry Mason out of business. Why? BECAUSE I WOULDN'T BE A LAWYER, just as Dr. Dollar is not a doctor at all!

Just so you know, Harvard conferred an Honorary degree on Walt Disney in 1938, but you don't see "Dr. Disney" plastered on every copy of Bambi do you? From now on, I will only refer to Disney World as Dr. Disney World. Right after I pull out all of my eyelashes and shave my head like Natalie Portman.

If you can't tell that I am furious from reading this, then I must be a terrible writer, because I am furious! I did a little more research and found that many people, church leaders included, are buying doctorates off of the internet. While that is absolutely reprehensible, it is better than some of the church leaders who are just plain MAKING IT UP. By the way, if you were at Greenville First last Sunday, you would have been ministered to by Dr. Ben Spearman.

Do I think that getting a doctorate will make me better than anyone else? Absolutely not. I am getting one because I want one, I need one for my career goals, and I enjoy education. I am not getting one so I can write "Dr. Spearman" on everything. I won't make people call me "Dr. Spearman." I am not doing this for other people to look at my differently. I'm doing it for myself. That being said, I am doing it. I am putting in the time and the work and the effort, and it infuriates me that people who are not doing the work are trying to get the credit. I don't walk around calling myself a Hall of Fame baseball player. I wonder why not? Let's see, maybe because I'm not one. I'm also not an Academy Award winner, but it I pay $15.99 to a shady website I guess I can be.

Listen up, Dr. Creflo A. Dollar, I'm going to Macon, GA this weekend, and I may pass through Atlanta. And if I do, you better stay inside one of the six buildings on your World Changers Ministries Campus, because if I see you, I'm going to run over you. Well, you may see me coming and jump out of the way, but I'm going to try.

No, Mom, those hot pants don't look good on you

2005-05-18T17:00:00.000-07:00

I just got back from California. I went with an 18 year old girl from our youth group and her uncle. I had so much fun, but also had to face the trauma of shopping with an 18 year old. It wasn't shopping with her, she was great and we had a lot of fun together. It was the stores we went to-Forever 21, Hot Topic, Wet Seal...you get the picture. These are fine stores filled wall to wall with clothes that I should never wear.

Let me explain my reasons:
Most of the clothes in these stores are made entirely of spandex. I don't consider myself excessively large, but let's just say I had was rocking a big butt while J Lo was still a fly girl.

If a store name has the number 21 in it, then my 25 year old self should just stay out. I did see lots of cute outfits with sheer panels and spaghetti straps and low cut necklines that I would love to wear if
a. I lived in Miami
b. I was 19 years old
c. I wasn't a pastor's wife
d. I was hoping to hook up with a Guido
e. all of the above

I walked around these stores and realized that I probably looked a little stupid just shopping there, because I am too old for some of those clothes. And if I'm not too old for them, I'm too married for them. And if I'm not too married for them, I'm too Christian for them. However, I did see several outfits that I will be wearing in Hawaii in May 2008 when my husband and I go to the big island to celebrate our 5 year anniversary and my graduation. I do think it's perfectly fine to look slutty on vacation. I'm not planning on going to a Hawaiian women's ministries meeting while I'm over there.

While I was waiting on my friend to try on clothes, I saw a mother and daughter shopping together. Maybe things are different in California, but my mom would have just taken me to Belk's where the good Lord intended Southern women to shop. The daughter was trying on very tight, very white pants that allowed her gut to hang out and her hot pink underwear to show through. Amazingly, her mom gave them two thumbs up. Mom turned around to keep shopping and daughter went back to try on more clothes. Mom returned to the dressing room with a small shirt. I was about to tell her that her daughter was in the third room from the right, because I thought she was bringing her more clothes to try on, when the mom grabbed the sales girl and said she needed to try this on. My jaw hit the floor. The mom proceeded to try on the shirt, model it for the daughter, and buy it. Perhaps the worst part, the daughter said, "Buy that and then we can share it."

If I at 25 know that I have no business wearing some of these outfits, shouldn't this woman, who was at least 45 know better? I was horrified. There are few things more pitiful than older women who are dressing too young for their age, especially when they don't have the body to do it.

Now, if I've offended anyone who may shop at these stores or wear these clothes, please understand that I think these clothes are fine. I just know they are not for me or my current lifestyle. After I write my book and become famous I'll probably wear a lot of spandex. Then I'll be able to afford lipo.

Jesus on the main line

2005-05-18T16:32:00.000-07:00

Hello bloggers! Sorry it's been so long since I posted, but I was visiting California and loving every minute of it. I have a lot to talk about, since I've been missing blogging, which is basically my outlet to speak my mind and stay connected to friends.

Ben and I have been married for two years, and we are going on our first real vacation on Friday! We will spend a week in Florida and visit Disney World. Now, I think two years without a vacation is a really long time. Some people might not think that' s too bad, but let me explain. Both of us have extremely stressful jobs, and we are on call 24 hours a day.

Our church provides Ben a cell phone. Last month, he talked over 3,400 minutes. (For the math challenged, like myself, that's a lot.) I love that I can usually reach him at any time because of his phone. However, since the church provides it, they also expect it to be on 24 hours a day. That means I spend a lot of time singing Broadway songs in my head while he talks to people in crisis (or just bored teenagers who want to call him).

I am also on call for my job. As a Hall Coordinator, I can be called at any time to deal with minor issues (roommate conflict) to major issues (potential suicide). I've been called out to three suicidal students in two years, and one of them actually had a plan and a method (that's like the worst thing you want to hear when you go out to assess someone in crisis).

I said all of that to say this: we are stressed and need a vacation! So, I am encouraging my husband to turn his phone off for the entire week! It may be hard for him to go cold turkey, so I have conceded that he can check his messages once a day (at night) but he can only return calls that are true emergencies (i.e. someone in our immediate families is dying).

I am amazed at how many people call him at all times of the day and night. Church people always seem to be in crisis. It's amazing to me that their first thought at the sign of trouble is to call the pastor. Here's a thought-if they prayed first, they could actually talk to Jesus before the pastor. Here's the sample message I have composed for Ben to record on his voicemail for the week we are on vacation: "Hello, you've reached Pastor's Ben's cell phone. I will be out of town until Friday, May 27. Feel free to leave me a message. I will be checking my messages once a day and responding to emergencies only. Also, if you feel you really need help, try talking to Jesus. He is always readily available with no voice mail necessary. Feel free to contact him day or night. Have a wonderful day, and remember, this is Pastor Ben encouraging you to cut out the middle man!" This would of course be recorded with me in the background singing the old Gospel favorite "Jesus on the Main Line."

I can't tell you the number of dinners I've sat through eating my food and listening to Ben's half of the cell phone conversation. People who I don't even think are saved will call him wanting him to pray for them. Here's a thought-pray for your own darn self for a change. Lest I sound like the bitter and cynical pastor's wife, let me explain that I do think there are a number of appropriate reasons to call the pastor (just as I firmly believe there are thousands of inappropriate reasons to call one).

Another thing I don't understand is why some people only come to church on Christmas and Easter. If you don't come to church, then don't come. That's your choice, but don't show up on Jesus' birthday and resurrection day like you are all down with Jesus. That's like relatives that show up only on holidays to ask for money. I don't understand the mindset of people that could skip church for 50 weeks of the year, but come ruin or rapture, those people will have their butts in the seats for Christmas and Easter. And I have to welcome them there as the pastor's wife, when what I really want to say is, "Cut the crap. You are here for show, and that makes me sick. This is not a movie premiere, this is church. If you are serious, come back next week. I promise I'll give you a big hug. Until then, I think I need a barf bag."

I'm sure there are many PKs out there who have experienced the stupid things church people will do and the ways they expect the pastor to be at their beck and call. It's going to be a quiet week in Floriday, because I'm making sure we don't pack the cell phone charger!

These dreams go on when I close my eyes...

2005-05-04T10:22:00.000-07:00

Pipe dreams. We all have them. They are dreams that may never/will never come true. Yet we have them just the same. We also have real dreams. We chase them and work to make them come true. But we hold our pipe dreams close to our hearts, whether for a good laugh or just to make us smile on a rainy day. Here are a few of my pipe dreams.

-My life will have a soundtrack: A small child, usually named Pepe, will follow me around with a very large speaker system and the ability to play any song ever recorded. As I prepare to walk down the streets of New York, I turn to Pepe and say "Brick House." He nods, knowing that no other song would be appropriate. As I strut down the street in my Manolo Blahniks, Pepe is blasting, "She's a brick house." People can't help but turn and look and think, "Man, I wish my life had a soundtrack."

-Celebrities call me for crisis interventions: The phone rings. I answer. Lynne Spears' begins to speak in her Southern drawl. "I hate to call you at home, but..." I cut her off mid-sentence. "It's okay, Lynne. I was expecting you. I'll be there soon." After we hang up the phone, I pick up my Swavroski-cystal encrusted pink cell phone and call Michelle. "Call the other girls. We're going to Louisiana." We arrive and perform a celebrity intervention for Britney Spears Federline, and her unborn child, Crystal Madonna Federline. Not only does Britney get saved, we also teach her how to glory dance and sign her up for on-line classes from Emmanuel. We replace her white trash wardrobe with clothes from Ann Taylor. We leave her with a cd of "Touching Heaven, Changing Earth." Our work there is done.

-I have my own tv show: The set is minimalistic. The most important pieces are the oversize chairs and the telephone that sits on a small table. The title of the show is "Here's What I Think." Michelle is sometimes my co-host, but she's busy these days producing movies, so often I host alone. Sometimes I have guests, but mostly people just call up with a topic. They explain the topic to me, and I say, "Here's what I think..." and continue to share with them my opinion. Some people agree, some don't. The important thing is that I am getting paid to share my opinion.

-I am an image/fashion consultant: Christina Aguilera walks into my office. "Sit down, honey," I say. "First, we're going to have to give you a flea dip. We've decided a regular shower just wouldn't do any good. Also, we're going to shave your head. Your hair has deteriorated so much that we can't even wash it. We've gotten you a wig to wear while it grows back in. Also, we'll be burning all of your chaps later. You're not a cowgirl. You don't ride on the range. Don't ever wear chaps again." She begins to tear up. "It's okay, honey. I'm here to help you."

I have many other dreams, like attending the Academy Awards, writing a book, or learning how to be really good pool player. What are some of your pipe dreams?

Going to the chapel...

2005-05-02T08:22:00.000-07:00

After reading about numerous EC engagements on various blogs, I am so happy to post news about one myself. Brynne is engaged! She called me on Saturday morning to tell me the news, and I am so excited. Her fiance's name is Sam. He is a personal trainer, and he is really cute. I would say he's the cutest guy she's ever dated. So here is a top ten list of the best things about Sam!

10. He is in good shape. (It might seem stupid to point that out about a personal trainer, but Tonya says she once had a fat personal trainer, so I thought I'd clarify that just in case.)

9. He plays the guitar. Well, actually he apparently plays the guitar and the drums and there is an on-going debate about which he plays better. But my mom thinks he plays the guitar better, and I trust her word on that, since she plays the guitar about 23 hours out of the day now.

8. He gave Gran Ida a Christmas present. (For those of you who don't know Gran Ida, she is my grandmother, and she lives with us. I thought it was very sweet of him to remember her at Christmas time).

7. He leads praise and worship at his church. Coming from someone who married a man in the ministry, there is just something special about that.

6. He likes to play games. This is a must in our family. We have a lot of people, so we play a lot of games.

5. He waited to propose until after her final big nursing test. Now she can celebrate both being engaged and being an RN.

4. He put together an excellent proposal. I don't want to tell it all, because it is Brynne's story to tell, but I will say that I was impressed and he even re-created an aspect of her favorite movie, The Notebook. (I am a sucker for good proposal stories. One day I will have to post mine, because it is, frankly, the bomb.)

3. He picked out an awesome ring. I am also a big fan of diamond rings, and I am highly critical of them. Those who know me well already know this. However, I am very impressed with the ring, even though I have only seen pictures, and that's saying something. Usually I reserve my ring judgements for in-person viewings only.

2. He not only asked her mom for her hand, but he also talked to my mom and dad, which to me is beyond amazing. If you know my family, you know we have a non-traditional set-up, but it works for us, and we all love each other. This is not often grasped by the outside world, and once grasped, it is seldom accepted/appreciated. But, it is what it is, we make it work, and we are a family, all 8 of us. Well, all 11 of us including Ben, Amanda, and Sam.

1. He has earned my seal of approval. This is not an easy task. I cannot say that I have wholeheartedly given my seal of approval to anyone she's ever dated, so this is a big deal.

If you would like to send any messages to Brynne, I will be sending her this link, so you can feel free to post them in the comments. The wedding is set for October 15! Two wedding within 3 months of each other-things at my house are going to be crazy!

Here's Your Sign...

2005-04-25T07:59:00.000-07:00

It amazes me that visitors or unchurched people still drive past churches and decide to attend. I am sure there are people who are seeking and feel they are drawn to church, and I am glad the Lord still does that. What amazes me is that people still drive by churches, read the signs, and decide to go inside.

I adore ridiculous church signs. So does my husband. Here's a fun trick you can do that Ben often does. Whenever he sees a stupid church sign, he calls one of his pastor friends and says as seriously as possible, "I have a word for you from the Lord. (Insert stupid church sign saying here.) May it bless you." I think I'm going to start doing this to my friends.

Here's a list of some of the stupidest church signs we've ever seen. All of them are real. I don't think I could make this stuff up.

-The best vitamin for a Christian is B1.
-Under the same management for 2000 years.
-Soul food served here.
-Tithe if you love Jesus. Anyone can honk.
-Best the Christmas rush, come to church this Sunday.
-Don't wait for the hearse to take you to church.
-Don't give up. Moses was once a basket case.
-Wal-Mart isn't the only saving place!
-Prevent truth decay. Brush up on your Bible.
-Never give the devil a ride. He will always want to drive.
-Feeling down in the mouth? Remember Jonah. He came out okay.
-Give the devil an inch and he'll become your ruler.
-Christians, keep the faith-but not from others!
-God answers kneemail.
-Wrinkled with sin? Come in for a faith lift.
-What's missing in ch_ _ ch? You are.
-Sign broken. Message inside.
-Seven days without prayer makes one weak.
-To prevent eternal burning apply Son block.

And the number one most ridiculous church sign of all time...
-A loose tongue gets into tight places.

Oh Happy Day!

2005-04-21T21:55:00.000-07:00

Oh happy day
Oh happy day

If you ever saw the movie Sister Act 2, then you should be singing this song trying hard to sound like the little kid that sang it in the movie. This is the song I wake up singing on days that I know will bring me happiness. For example, the day we left for Costa Rica, the day I graduated from Clemson, the day I got married...There is nothing like waking up and bursting into song. You should try it sometime.

Last night was my last law class! I turned in an 18 page (single spaced) legal analysis and did a presentation. I honestly felt like I lost about 50 pounds after that was over, because I was so glad to be done. One class down, one to go.

Tonight I will do my final presentation in my program eval class, and I will be talking about a project I have worked on all semester. That's why I woke up singing Oh Happy Day.

Other things that have made me happy recently:
-I was watching tv and heard someone refer to Kevin Federline as "relentlessly beltless"
-My teacher last night said, "Are you even 25 yet?"
-I wore a skirt that hasn't fit me since Emmanuel
-I heard Jennifer Nettles sing Round and Round
-I've been in contact with many friends and relatives thanks to this blog
-I went on a stakeout and caught a student illegally living in my building. I served him/her a banned notice at 2:30am
-Ben and I sang an 80s song this morning while I was fixing my hair and he sang the real high 80s harmony part (you know, the part that sounds more like a yell)
-A girl in the youth group gave me a sweet card that said she missed me
-Britney and Kevin's reality show will debut on my two year wedding anniversary

It truly is the little things that mean so much!

Thank you, Michelle and Candice

2005-04-19T19:09:00.000-07:00

Thank you so much, Michelle and Candice, for calling me and allowing me to share in the magic that is Jennifer Nettles. Not only did they call me to let me hear her sing a brand new song, they also called to let me hear "The Story of Your Bones," one of the most beautiful songs ever written.

Thank you for allowing me to close my eyes and pretend that I was there. It really meant a lot to me!

Why I am the worst pastor's wife in the world

2005-04-19T08:24:00.000-07:00

Those who know me well know I am very goal oriented. For a small update, I am currently pursuing my doctorate, and I have completed 18 hours. I am doing this while working full time (as a hall Coordinator) and working full time (as a pastor's wife). One of these jobs pays well. The other does not. I'll let you guess.

Anyway, I sat down and thought about it and realized that I probably wasn't going to be the best pastor's wife, since I know many good ones, and most of them have a lot more time to devote to it than I do. But, I reasoned that I could set out to be the worst and probably accomplish that goal fairly quickly. So I thought I would list for you reasons that I am the worst pastor's wife in the world.

1. I do not wear slips. In fact, I don't even think I own one. I think they are stupid. I don't understand their purpose. Any person with any sort of brain activity whatsoever knows that my legs are under my dress. Why hide them? It's no secret.

2. I do not play the piano. Notice that I did not say I can not, because I did take piano lessons for many years. I do not. Big difference. I will occasionally sit down and play my favorite rendition of "When I Think About Jesus and What He's done for Me," but I usually change the words to say "When I Think About Chad McGhee," because that's what we used to sing in Trailer H and I think it's funny.

3. I do not teach a children's Sunday School class. And I won't. Every three months my husband has to take over the children's ministry for one Sunday service. I have to help him because I married him. My section is always the worst, because I do not know how to communicate with children. Also, I do not know how to make Noah's Ark out of toothpicks.

4. I skipped church this Sunday to do my homework. That needs no explanation. It's just wrong.

5. I don't have kids. To be a really good pastor's wife, you need to have at least two kids and dress them up in nice church clothes and act like rearing them is the easiest thing you've even done, because you have the Lord's help.

6. I do not look at dead bodies. This causes a big issue when the median age of your church is 65, as is ours. It used to be over 70, but so many of the much older people have already gone home to glory. Which means that we had to go to their visitations, and Ben and I have had to create this elaborate choreographed routine in which he prevents me from seeing the dead body, even though we are standing right beside it. It's sad, really.

7. I do not have a copy of the Prayer of Jabez in my home. In fact, I don't even own one.

8. Finally, I do not bring home cooked food to the covered dinners. I usually just buy something and put it in one of my dishes.

However, I did realize that I have done some things that have impeded my progress in becoming the world's worst pastor's wife: I joined the choir (although I don't remember actually joining-I think someone signed me up), I joined Women's Ministry (again, not intentionally. I went to one meeting and suddenly they were calling my name and handing me a cookbook.), I joined the Education Committee of Women's Ministry (I am the chair person of the Salad committee. How I wish I was making that up.), and I do attend church more often than not, so I guess I am not quite the world's worst, but I bet I am in the running!

Special moments from God

2005-04-18T08:30:00.000-07:00

I thought I would share today about those happy moments that are truly gifts from God. The small things that mean so much...fitting into your skinny jeans, being mistaken for an undergrad student, finding money in your pants pocket as you are loading the washing machine. Here is a story about one of those very happy moments.

I have been so inspired by Ashleigh's postings about laughter through tears. It is a very special emotion. The beginning of this story was filled with a lot of fears. In September, Ben's father passed away. Although it was a terribly sad time, God was so faithful to us and allowed us to be with him before he died and share all the love that was in our hearts. He also provided us with plane tickets, and we stayed with Ben's family for an entire week. There is nothing that can prepare you for this as a spouse. I spent the whole week trying to be useful and do whatever I could, but I felt pretty useless because I couldn't stop my husband's hurting.

We were getting ready for the visitation. I knew this would be my chance to meet so many people from Ben's younger days, so I wanted to look my best. Plus, I am a vain girl. I took an hour and a half to get ready. I really felt like I looked good. Also, I thought it was my wifely duty to try and pull myself together since I had spent most of the week in work clothes doing things around the house.

The visitation was a wonderful time of sharing memories and seeing old friends. I couldn't tell you how many people I met. However, there was one person I wanted to meet-the real reason I spent an hour and a half getting ready. I wanted to meet Jessica, Ben's old girlfriend. Let me please set the record straight before some guy posts something about me being a "typical jealous female"-I am not jealous of her. Really, I'm not. Her family has been nothing but wonderful to us. Her mom got Ben the tickets for us to fly to Costa Rica and get engaged. They gave us a digital camera for a wedding present. Jessica sends us tons of Chick-fil-a coupons because she works at the corporate headquarters. I do not harbor any ill will to her and wish her nothing but the best. She is getting married this month, so I do not think secretly she is still in love with Ben. I am not jealous of her. However, that doesn't mean that I did not want to see her in person and hopefully be skinnier than her and just generally outshine her with my radiance. That is something altogether different that jealousy. It is a female thing, and I can't explain it any better than that.

I had planned on meeting her at my wedding. She couldn't come at the last minute, and my plans were ruined. At my wedding, I knew I would be looking the absolute best of my whole life, so I prayed she would come and our meeting would finally happen with me looking like the queen of the whole universe and she looking more like a royal subject. It was not to happen then.

As visitation was winding down, I thought I was going to miss my second chance to meet her when I was looking fabulous. My greatest fear was that I would run out to get something for Ben's family and run into her when I looked like a bag lady. But as I said in the beginning of my post, God had truly planned a gift for me that night. I looked toward the end of the visitation line, and there she was. I was finally going to meet her. Visitation was almost over, and I could tell by the look on her face, that she had just found out and rushed over to make it in time. She did not look bad by any means, but she looked like she had just thrown something on and come over, which was the complete opposite of the almost ceremonial getting ready I had done.

I was so happy. God had finally answered my prayer. But then I realized that God had done even more than just answer my prayer. He had once again proven that He knows and loves me like no one else. Standing right behind her in line was none other than Michelle! I thought I would pass out from joy. I discreetly mouthed to Michelle, "That's his old girlfriend in front of you." She immediately gave her the once over and then the twice over. As Jessica came up to us in the receiving line, she was sweet and really delightful to meet. And as she passed by us, Michelle came up, hugged me, and wispered in my ear, "You are SO prettier than her." And that's just one of the thousands of reasons that we are friends. But then my precious husband leaned over to me and said, "Jessica's really grown as a person," (which is about as mean as he gets and is a pastorly/nice way of saying she had put on weight). I think he knew I needed to hear that.

To put a religious moral on this story, if you are faithful to God, He will honor that and take care of you. But even more than just taking care of you, every now and then He will give you even more than you wished for, even if your wish is something small that only matters to you.

Gonna have to face it I'm addicted to blog

2005-04-14T23:34:00.000-07:00

My name is Bird, and I'm a blogaholic.
(Crowd responds: Hi, Bird)

The first step is admitting you have a problem.

The title of this post comes from that wonderful 80's song, Addicted to Love. Which leads me down a winding road we like to call memory lane. It was preview at EC, you know, where we all love Jesus, all act like friends, and all sit on the quad signing hymns to guitar music. I don't know why, it's not like they told us to do this to impress the previewers. We just all did it, every preview, like programmed robots. But I digress...

It was preview and the theme for the costume contest to be held at the basketball game was "The 80s". The H Girls love a good theme, and we decided to participate. But we were not satisfied just to put on our LA Gears and crimp our hair, we wanted to make a statement. We decided to dress like the girls from Robert Palmer's video for Addicted to Love. We also decided to carry Pepsi cans, since that song and those girls were used in Pepsi commercials during the 80s. Another reason we thought we should do this is because we lived with Terra Fowler, and she had an endless supply of red lipstick.

I remember us getting ready. We were so excited. We had all secured black dresses and were in the proces of slicking our hair back into gelled buns. I think that's when it hit me that no one, save those 6 or so women in the video, looks good with a slick backed gelled bun. Too bad, because it was time to leave for the basketball game. At least we all looked the same degree of bad-strength in numbers.

We arrived fashionably late to the game, because we were always late and just somehow lucky that it could be considered fashionable. When halftime came, we pranced across that court like we owned the place. Personally, I think it was a great day for Pepsi. However, the crowd response was mixed at best, and unfortunately, we didn't win the contest.

This story clearly points out two things about my closest friends-we sometimes find things to be cool or hilarious that no one else seems to understand. I guess that's why we're such good friends. Also, we are not afraid to look a little stupid for something we believe in/really want to do. The fear of looking stupid is something that worries me, because when it sets in, it can begin to take away some of your most exciting opportunities. People may say a lot of things about me, and not all of them may be nice, but I hope they will say that I wasn't afraid to try things and I didn't let fear get the best of me.

PS-I remember Mel Fowler's outfit and she totally rocked it. 80s rule!

My Little Brother's Getting Married...and other things that make you feel 100 years old

2005-04-14T15:05:00.000-07:00

In case you haven't heard the news, Delmar is getting married! He is marrying a wonderful woman-we all love her to death, as does everyone who meets her. They are getting married in July, so I'm sure this announcement is causing several broken hearts, because Delmar is quite a catch. My secret plan was always for him to marry Tonya, but then she married the wonderful Mike, so that plan was ruined.

I am so happy for Delmar, and I think he has chosen a great person and will have a great and rewarding marriage. But I can't believe my baby brother is getting married. When did he grow up? He shouldn't be old enough to get married.

This got me thinking about other things that make me feel really old. In truth, I am only 25, even though it is still hard for me to type that without crying, because 25 came a lot faster than I thought it would. I feel really old when:

I write a judicial report and see the student was born in 1986
I sing "Jessie's Girl" and people tell me they love that new song
I try to find an outfit that doesn't make me look like a rap video extra or an aging grandmother
I watch TRL
I realize I have been married for two years (in May)
I try to exercise for longer than 10 minutes
I go to the Body Shop
I hide money away for future plastic surgery

Why I watch Dog the Bounty Hunter

2005-04-13T14:05:00.000-07:00

Guilty pleasures...we all have them. Here are a few of mine:

Dog the Bounty Hunter (If you have never seen this show, please watch it at least once just to see his wife's outfits. It is also insanely funny to me to see someone cuss you out and then pray for you, all in two minutes time. This is Dog's specialty.)
The Surreal Life
Documentaries about Chitwood families on HBO
Sex and the City reruns
Cold Stone Ice Cream-Chocolate Devotion
Can't Hardly Wait
Texas Hold 'Em
R Kelly's Ignition Remix (This made my forgive him for "I Believe I Could Fly")
The Thriller Dance
The Electric Slide
US Weekly
Dirty Dancing
Chocolate Stuff
80's Music
Trying on fake hair
Signing my friends up for newsletters
9 to 5 (the song, not the movie)
Getting ready music

Why I should be a celebrity reporter

2005-04-12T20:32:00.000-07:00

In case you haven't heard the news, Britney Spears is pregnant. This is something that Michelle and I have know for at least a month. Why? Because she looks like she's gained weight-no, that could be due to the obscene amount of Cheetos she consumes. The real clue was she hasn't been photographed smoking for a long time, even though her husband, the illustrious Kev-Dog, is never seen without a cigarette. Hopefully second-hand smoke doesn't affect those still in the womb.
Celebrity news makes me so happy, and I have absolutely no idea why. Best wishes to Britney, Kevin, his old girlfriend Shar, Kori, Kevin Michael Jackson Federline (that's really his son's name-I wish I was kidding), Grandma Lynn (who is really just a clone of Jessica Simpson's mom, but a little trashier), and the whole Spears/Federline clan.

Who thinks Demi will be the next to announce the same happy news?

Why I am not the Iron Chef American

2005-04-12T15:13:00.000-07:00

As I said in my last post, this blog is not going to be depressing. Here's a story, since for some unknown reason I love to share embarrassing stories about myself.

I have been learning how to cook. One of my New Year's resolutions was to cook at least three times a week. In truth, I enjoy cooking, but right now I have a very small kitchen and no dishwasher, so I don't cook as much as I would like to. For the most part, I've kept my resolution and I've even found some new recipes to try along the way.

I am also now addicted to the Food network. I love Paula's Home Cooking and Rachel Ray's 30 minute meals. I also love to watch the Iron Chef. Even though I will probably never cook squid in a double boiler, I think this is a very interesting show.

I was working on a new recipe the other day. It required me to chop several onions. One of my favorite parts of the cooking shows is when they chop their ingredients. The knife moves so fast and everything is cut the exact same size. Had I thought more about this, I would have realized these people are trained to do this, and it takes a lot of practice.

I was chopping the onions just like Rachel Ray does. You always cut them in half first, cut off the ends, peel off the outer layers, lay them flat side down, and chop away. I was having success and then my very sharp knife (my husband collects knives and when he selected knives for our kitchen, he made sure they could also be used to kill anyone who might try to rob us. They are the Miracle Blade 3, you know, from TV) slipped right off of the top of the onion.

Everything happened so fast and the knife was so sharp, that I initially thought I hadn't cut myself. But isn't that the true test of a sharp knife? It can slice through your skin so effortlessly that you don't even realize it at first. I thought to myself, I'm fine and everything's okay and then I looked down to see blood pouring out of my thumb.

Still trying to maintain my composure, although I have a terribly weak stomach, I grabbed some tissue and wrapped it around my thumb in an effort to stop the bleeding. I was telling myself in this too high-pitched voice that I was fine and all I needed was a band aid. After a few minutes, my thumb was still bleeding, and I could tell that I was in the early stages of an all out freak out. I decided the tissue wasn't working, so I grabbed a washcloth. I also began looking for a band aid. I don't know why, but in my mind, if I could just put a band aid on it, everything would be fine. I looked in the medicine basket, and there were no band aids. The voice in my head is now trying to convince me that everything's okay, but I know it's lying. It's also getting more high-pitched every second. I run to the bathroom and finally find a box of band aids. I pull one out, but I cannot open it, because I still have a washcloth around my thumb and I am still holding it tightly to try and stop the bleeding. (It's not working-my thumb is still gushing blood.)

At this point, the all out freak out begins. The one thing that could make this situation better has failed, and I begin to hyperventilate. While drawing in deep, loud breaths that make a wheezing sound, I realize that I have got to have some help or I am going to pass out. I grab my cell phone and call Ben. I get his voice mail. I do this 3 more times. I finally decide to leave a message. Now the high pitched voice is no longer in my head, it is my own. "Hey, it's me. Everything's fine, but I cut my finger and can't really get it to stop bleeding and was wondering if you could come home right away and help me because I think I'm going to pass out."

Just before I decided I would leave my apartment and begin knocking on students' doors in an effort to find someone to open this band aid, I finally got Ben on the phone and told him I needed him to come home right away. I was still hyperventilating and my finger was still bleeding, so I wrapped it as tight as I could stand, put it behind my back where I couldn't see it, and sat down to watch Newlyweds to try and calm down. My husband, because he is wonderful and loves me more than anyone probably should, rushed home to help me. As soon as he walked through the door, I burst into tears. Partly out of anxiety and partly out of a deep outpouring of love for a man who would drive all the way home to help me with a cut finger. Needless to say, I had to lie down, I almost passed out, I almost threw up, but I made it. Ben dressed the wound and successfully put a band aid on it.

Now, if I was a great Christian, I would probably put some moral in here about how God loves us as His children and wants to tend to every wound that life gives us, but I wrote the story to be funny, not to be spiritual. If you are a great Christian, hopefully you pulled something spiritual out of it. I just learned to use a food processor to chop onions.

a place for all the thoughts in my head

2005-04-11T13:16:00.000-07:00

I have been very reluctant to get into this whole "blog" thing for two reasons. One, I don't know that anyone in Internet land really cares about what I have to say. Two, I am afraid someone will steal my identity. However, since my good friend Michelle started her own blog, I figured what the heck. I usually let her try things first, like getting married, getting tattoos, etc.

As far as people caring about what I have to say, I don't think that's the real reason for a blog. I think the real reason is that it provides a place to say it. There are things that I want to say, whether to a close friend one-on-one or to anyone who logs onto the Internet.

Time. It's so cliche to say there's never enough time. But there's not. I thought I would have time to chase my dreams, or maybe I should say I thought I'd make time to chase my dreams. I thought I would be making a difference in the world or writing books or traveling or doing all the things you think you will do before you realize what growing up really is. I sometimes think I use my time so poorly and othertimes I think I am using it as best I know how.

I want to be a perfect wife. That takes time. Learn to cook, clean the house, wash the dishes, sit and listen to your husband talk about what's important to him and really listen, not just pretend. I want to be a perfect student. That takes time. Do your homework, read your textbooks, write papers, edit papers, re-write papers. I want to be a perfect employee. That takes time. Stay in the office. Go back to the office. Never leave the office. I want to be a perfect friend. That takes time. Call. Catch up. Send a card. I want to be a perfect follower of Christ. That takes time. Read the word. Pray. Go to church. Go back to church.

I'm not the perfect wife, and I'm sorry for all of the ways I don't act like the wife my husband deserves. I'm not the perfect student. Most of my papers are now written the night before they are due. I'm not the perfect employee. I'm tired of trying to stay two steps ahead. I'm not the perfect friend, and I'm sorry for all of the times I should have called or written or emailed and told my friends exactly how much they mean to me and how much I love them. I'm not the perfect Christian. I'm sorry for not letting being more like Christ be my first and most cherished goal.

I really don't want this to be a depressing blog, but I do want the people who are important to me to know that I really do care, even if I don't say it enough or call enough or plan enough trips to see you.